Stories From Law School 2

News About Law Professors

A friend of mine has recently informed me of some troubling news regarding our professor for torts. Warn him if you see him.

Law Students' Bill of Rights

In life it is important to know your rights. Posted below are the newly codified "Law Students' Bill of Rights"

Stories from Law Students Over Winter Break

Over the break some of the students have had some interesting stories. Posted below are cartoons of things that happened.

Be Warned for Elements!

In order to understand the ideas behind the philosophers we studied in Elements, I decided to wikipedia Hobbes. However, upon reading the page, it became very clear that someone had edited it. Posted below is what I found on the wikipedia page for Thomas Hobbes.

Getting into Law School

With how stressful finals may be, it is important to remember what we went through to get to law school. Posted below is what we endured in the LSAT to make it here.

Question Answers

At some point everyone gets called on in law school. Sometimes we look back and wish we had said something a little more shocking. This leads me to a list of a few responses that caught the professor off-guard:

1. If someone phoned you and started saying dirty things, would that be an infliction of emotional harms?

a. I don’t know. I normally have to pay 2.99 a minute for that.

b. That’s going to be determined at my hearing this week.

2. Why is this case such a big issue?

a. Because you have twenty minutes of class left and nothing more to cover.

b. Because some asshole decided to put in a textbook.

3. That’s very good legalese, now can you say the holding in English?

a. No, I’m not that far in Rosetta Stone for lawyers.

b. Why should I?  The judge can’t.

4. How did a case like this make it all the way to the Supreme Court?

a. The Justices will take any case in order to avoid the abortion issue.

5. Who would be guilty of an unlawful conversion?

a. A group of extremist Jehovah’s witnesses.

6. Ms. ­­­­ ­­­(name withheld), in Weaver the defendant was not held liable for the injuries resulting from an accidental discharge. Why is this a good policy?

a. If not, most women would find their boyfriends liable.

7. In Clinton v. Jones, what would have been an appropriate defense to Ms. Lewinsky’s comment that the president had a tiny penis?

a. She has a big mouth?

8. Can anyone think of a situation where consent is irrelevant?

a. None that my Parole Officer will believe.

9. Why can’t you get in touch with your inner Scalia?

                  a. Now days it’s hard to find a virgin to sacrifice.

The Little Engine that Could... Start Fires

I was shocked myself! It turns out our text-book author also writes children's books! Here is part of his first book.

Law School Pick Up Lines

This post is due to a request from those who know me (meaning that if I hear enough complaints I'll take it down). I have bad luck with women in law school, which leads me to some of my greatest misses:

In Civil Procedure

Spencer: Hey Baby, I'm hung like a jury!

Girl: Doesn't that mean where six is needed, you're only three?

In LCOMM

Spencer: You can handle a brief, so why don't you take a look at my full memo? 

Girl: Well,  the rules are soft, the explanation is short, the application is pathetic, and the conclusion leaves me dissatisfied.

In Elements

Spencer: I think your Lockean bundle could use my Hobbesian stick.

Girl:  But what could I do with such a small sovereign?

In Torts

Spencer: I would be negligent if I didn't warn you that this train (gestures towards crotch) fires up everything it passes.

Girl: Don't worry no one could reasonably foresee that train even warming up oatmeal.

In Property

Spencer:  Hey baby, if you don't  Stop the Beach I won’t be able to move down your erosion line and re-nourish you.

Girl: (I don't remember what she said, but I do remember where she kicked me)

A Story From Law Students Long Past

It was the first day of law school and Professor Blackstone was warning his class about the final they would be taking.

"There will be no excuse for missing my final. It must be ten pages, hand-written, and completed within the allotted two hours. Nothing except a severe medical condition will change any of that."

From the back of the room, a young man shouted "But sir, what if we are physically unable to write due to an exhaustive, sexual experience?"

Professor Blackstone waited for the snickering to die down and then said, "Then I guess you'll just have to write with your other hand!"